It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to.

I was a bit worried about going to the Crem on my own this year. I was looking forward to it in a way but wasn't sure I could handle the whole thing with everything else that's going on.

I bought some flowers to take up with me and got a cab from town. The cab driver was very chatty and as I was going to the Crematorium he started talking about his sister in law that died. He insisted on telling me all the gory details too and I couldn't get a word in edgewise. I just shut off from his words and came in with the appropriate sounds every now and then.
The thing that always seems to happen is there is a service just starting as I get there. The hearse followed us in and there at the door were all the mourners dressed in black.
I took a walk round the long winding path and read all the memorial plaques as I always do.

When I got down to the area where my Mum and Dad's ashes were scattered, the place was covered in Daffodils. This instantly got to me as my Mum really loved Daffs. Always at this time of year coming up to Easter she would have them around the house. I thought to myself that I needn't have brought flowers as they were all there for her already.
I walked round to the memorial room where the books are held. I didn't have to search long for Mum's name as I remembered this time exactly where it was.
Someone else came in so I left and went to get a vase to put my flowers in.

I sat on a bench for a while. It was so peaceful and quiet. My head started to whirl and I started to cry. I have never cried before. I always feel sad but it never really brings me to tears. I am not quite sure what did it but I quickly composed myself. Silly really that I should want to hide my crying from strangers especially as this is the one place where people expect you to react in that way. Suddenly though it seemed like there were people everywhere so I decided to leave.

I walked back through Markeaton Park up to McDonalds. I wasn't hungry at all so I ordered a Hot Chocolate and sat down near the door.

When I got back into town I planned on spending my birthday money but wandering around I had no idea what I really wanted to buy. I decided that I would save it for Nottingham and go home to watch the FA Streaming.

When I got home there were packages waiting for me. Surprisingly there was a parcel from one sister and a card from the other. I nearly bought the Comic Relief does Little Britain Live DVD so It was a good job I had saved my money as that was in one parcel and also the UMD movie 50 first dates. I wondered if DD had suggested that as it is one of her all time fave films. It is a great movie though and one that you can watch over and over again. (Irony? What irony?) Although I have watched loads of movies and TV shows on my PSP this is the first UMD actual disc I have owned.
Another package was the DVD recorder I ordered from Amazon (With triple nectar points) I am well chuffed as for the £30 I paid, It is a great little recorder and player.
I had lots of lovely cards from people who I thought would have forgotten about me so they were lovely surprises.

I decided to make myself a Vodka Smoothie and sit down with my birthday Cream Cake and watch Colin and TPT rehearsing for their fated Take That duet - Back for Good.
I did get a lovely surprise when Brian rang me to say Happy Birthday. I am so glad we are doing this reunion thing as it has brought us back closer again.

Altogether my presents... The Moyles book "The Gospel according to Chris Moyles" The Gary Barlow book "My take" Comic relief Little Britain live DVD, 50 first dates UMD for PSP

Basically that is that for my 37th birthday. Tomorrow will be much more fun though so I will pretend it is my day all over again