Wave Goodbye - Say Hello

When My Auntie phoned me last week to tell me my Uncle Bob had passed away It was a big shock. I admit I hadn't seen him or any of my family on my Dad's side for a few years.

My Aunt told me the funeral would be Friday March 20th but they weren't expecting us to travel down to Coventry for it. I knew though that even if my sisters couldn't make it, I would do the trip alone if I had to, I had no reason not to. I spoke to my Nan almost immediately who didn't think we would want to go but I told her the same. She said she would go in our honour but there was no need.

After speaking to my sisters it was arranged, We were all going!

I met with Debz and her Carl at the train station at about 9.40am. Ange originally was to be travelling down in the car with Rob and picking up Nan on the way but unfortunately Rob was back at home with a terrible stomach bug and so Ange was joining up on the train.

The journey down was without incident until we got off the train at Canley in Coventry. Debz called a taxi to take us to the crem and we were left 20 mins waiting for it to arrive. We started off moaning about being to early to the Crematorium and then we started fretting about actually getting there too late. We knew Nan would be there early and be stressing out that we hadn't arrived. Ange was also stressing because she was only staying for the service and had to get back for my Nephew coming out of school.

Finally when we were all losing our patience the taxi turned up and within 5 minutes we arrived at the crem where Nan was obviously stressing out and came jogging towards us. As we stood chatting to her our auntie spotted us and came running over as she really hadn't expected us to turn up.
Auntie Chris took us over to the group of other family members and cousins etc... We chatted for a few minutes mainly cooing over my new generation of cousins 18 month old Charley and 3 month old Beth. Charley's dad Jonathon was always the cousin I was closest to so we chatted about football and kids etc...

It was a sad occasion but it was made all the sadder for me in the realisation that I have lost all contact with my family in the last few years and we only meet up at funerals! I watched as they all chatted and kissed and hugged and the realisation for me that they all see each other regularly while we are stuck out here in no man's land. Other families that are spread around the country manage to meet up at least once a year so why can't we??
My cousin Steve seemed flabbergasted that Bill is at college but they should realise she is 16 and that makes me sad because I make sure I know what is going on with all my cousins when I can but it is as if we are out of sight out of mind :(

The funeral car arrived and the boys of our family all took their place carrying the coffin. Pam who was my Uncle Bob's partner of 23 years years and her family were dressed casually which I thought was great as funerals can often be too cliched with black attire. I was wearing my black trousers and dark Purple shirt but they knew him best and knew what he would have wanted.

We all followed the coffin inside the chapel. I was shocked at just how many people were there. So many that it was standing room only and there were 20 or so people all squashed up at the front by the door. I later found out that there were mourners from all over the country attending.

The service was nice as I said, Pam and her kids / grand kids all dressed in bright colours and there were no hymns. We walked in to "Stranger on the shore" and although they could have done with a more upbeat vicar - He just droned on and made me want to slit my wrists. It was just one long monotoned speech although the words weren't sad ones. Then a speech by some guy from the Metal detecting club that Bob ran who was equally boring. But then Uncle Bob's Grandson did a little speech which was lovely. He is only 9 and he brought us all back to life with his memories of his Grandad and even gave everyone a little chuckle in places talking about how they loved to watch Doctor Who together and how Uncle Bob would do Dalek impressions.
Then we had time of reflection while listening to "How deep is your love" by the Bee Gees and then the end music was "Oh Boy" by Buddy Holly. Pam got up and started a round of applause and everyone went out with a smile on their face.

Outside the chapel we stood chatting and got to have a look at the flowers. There weren't many as most people had opted to give to the Air ambulance in Uncle Bob's memory instead. This is what we did too.

Part of the little Grandson's speech had also been about the fact that Uncle Bob drank lots of tea and he called him Grandad tea so it seemed fitting that his flowers were in the shape of a teapot.

Many distant relatives came up to me not knowing who I was and say "Are you one of Tommy's daughters?" An Irish man in his 60s came up to me and told me he was one of Dad's cousins and he had last seen me when I was a baby. Then there was Miriam who I have known all my life as she was a close friend of my Grandma, She scares me somewhat as she never seems to have aged at all, all the years I have known her.

Then there was the mad running round by my 2 aunties to try and find rides for Me, Debz and Carl to the wake. Ange had to go get the train home and Nan decided she would go too but we wanted to go to the do. In the end I went with my cousin Sally and her fella and Debz and Carl went with this bloke who no one knew but he was from the club where the do was as he was moaning about the fact that the room was going to be too small and not everyone was going to fit in.

The wake was held at the Coventry flying club. It was a tiny little clubhouse and by the time we arrived it was standing room only. Debz and Carl were already at the bar ordering drinks so I just slipped in and got myself a pint.
There was a little balcony with some tables and chairs and as D&C needed to smoke, we made our way out there.
It was a lovely day and the view was marvellous.


There were lots of planes taking off and landing at various intervals and we mused about taking flying lessons and what it might feel like.

Soon we noticed that people were eating food so we went to join the queue and it was quite long. As we stood there not moving along very fast we saw others coming past with huge piles of food on their plates but as we stood there longer and longer the plates were coming past with less and less making us wonder if there would be anything left by the time we got to the table.

There were a few sandwiches (Mostly Cheese and Pickle) left and along with crisps, samosas, Bahjis, bread sticks, potatoes and coleslaw it turned into a hearty lunch. Add that to a chocolate cookie some Grapes and a Strawberry I was very happy.

We took our food back outside as there still were no seats.

As the afternoon went on we chatted to our Aunties and I got to chat to my cousin Steve who like me is facing his 40th next year. I was still feeling a little sad though that we were like outsiders as all the rest of the family seemed to be sat in one big circle and there was no room for us.

We decided to make our move about 2.30 as we weren't sure how long the cab would take back into town and we were running out of money and needed to save some cash for taxi fares so we said our goodbyes. I really really wanted everyone to know how much I loved seeing them and how much I yearn to get us all together when someone hasn't died and we can all have a good laugh and take lots of photos instead of fleeting meetings.

Our trip back was almost without incident apart from the fact that I had an off-peak ticket as I thought we would be later and we were actually travelling on peak. Debz and Carl made me feel really nervous and I was all ready to go hide in the toilet but as it was when the ticket man came round he didn't even look at me so he must have thought I was already on the train and had seen my ticket already. I am so glad as I couldn't have afforded another ticket.

We reached Derby around 5pm and after a quick trip home to change we all congregated at Debz for a great family nite in. Incidentally it is the first time I have taken a drink with me in ages and I woke with a hangover Saturday morning...that'll teach me!